Gratitude for every day

Our stake has a Book of Mormon class every week that a lady in our ward teaches.  Amron, my husband, was sick a couple of Mondays ago, so I got to go. Part of the lesson was on trials and what we learn from them.  She talked about when we go through them it is difficult, but after they are over we can look back and see that we learned something.  She asked us to share experiences of that happening in our lives.  I got that crazy pounding in my heart that I needed to share and finally raised my hand to share.  I want to share what I shared that day because it has had a huge impact lately on me.  It is crazy how you can learn something and then remember it and learn that lesson in an even deeper way. 
When we had our 20 week ultrasound and were told that Hyrum would not live, I really struggled with not being able to raise my little boy.  I went through the grieving process and really really struggled.  I don't remember a ton of my pregnancy because I think I have kind of blocked it out because it was so hard.  During this time though, I came closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior and I am so grateful for their love.  Looking back at that time brings such gratitude.  For some reason, we do get to raise our little boy for however long we have him.  Because of that struggle and thinking we wouldn't' have him at all makes the hard times easier and every day a miracle.  I am so grateful for that time in my life because it makes me grateful for today and every moment I have with him.  I know there are moms that wish they had a "normal" child when they have a special needs child.  I don't feel that way.  I know he is here how he is supposed to be here and he is perfect the way he is.  My job is to love him and make him as comfortable as he can be and to share him and his life story.  Without that time of struggle, I don't know if I would feel that way and I know it would be harder.  But I get to have a little boy that I didn't think I would get to have.  There are hard days and it's not easy constantly taking care of a child that needs you always.  But it is so worth it.  I get smiles and laughs and looks of love that I wouldn't change for anything. 
I am so grateful for that day a few weeks ago, to remind me that I get to witness a miracle every day.  Heavenly Father gives us trials and times in our lives that prepare us for something else and to help us in the days to come.  I am so blessed with two amazing children and needed to share my gratitude!