Gratitude for every day

Our stake has a Book of Mormon class every week that a lady in our ward teaches.  Amron, my husband, was sick a couple of Mondays ago, so I got to go. Part of the lesson was on trials and what we learn from them.  She talked about when we go through them it is difficult, but after they are over we can look back and see that we learned something.  She asked us to share experiences of that happening in our lives.  I got that crazy pounding in my heart that I needed to share and finally raised my hand to share.  I want to share what I shared that day because it has had a huge impact lately on me.  It is crazy how you can learn something and then remember it and learn that lesson in an even deeper way. 
When we had our 20 week ultrasound and were told that Hyrum would not live, I really struggled with not being able to raise my little boy.  I went through the grieving process and really really struggled.  I don't remember a ton of my pregnancy because I think I have kind of blocked it out because it was so hard.  During this time though, I came closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior and I am so grateful for their love.  Looking back at that time brings such gratitude.  For some reason, we do get to raise our little boy for however long we have him.  Because of that struggle and thinking we wouldn't' have him at all makes the hard times easier and every day a miracle.  I am so grateful for that time in my life because it makes me grateful for today and every moment I have with him.  I know there are moms that wish they had a "normal" child when they have a special needs child.  I don't feel that way.  I know he is here how he is supposed to be here and he is perfect the way he is.  My job is to love him and make him as comfortable as he can be and to share him and his life story.  Without that time of struggle, I don't know if I would feel that way and I know it would be harder.  But I get to have a little boy that I didn't think I would get to have.  There are hard days and it's not easy constantly taking care of a child that needs you always.  But it is so worth it.  I get smiles and laughs and looks of love that I wouldn't change for anything. 
I am so grateful for that day a few weeks ago, to remind me that I get to witness a miracle every day.  Heavenly Father gives us trials and times in our lives that prepare us for something else and to help us in the days to come.  I am so blessed with two amazing children and needed to share my gratitude!

I love being a mom!

Happy Mother's Day!  Maybe I am selfish, but I love this day.  I love it even more now that I am a mom!  I get to be grateful on a day that is set apart for moms because I am a mom.  I have the two most beautiful children ever.  And I get to be their mom!!  It is the most humbling and amazing experience to be a mom!  It is crazy and overwhelming and sometimes just too hard, but then there are the days that are close to perfect and the days that are just plain fun! 
I woke up this morning to a sweet little girl who cleaned up the downstairs and had a present for me and was not happy with me because she didn't get to feed me in bed because I got up too early.  And then she sang "Mommy, I love you" to me in Chinese!  And she's mine!  All mine!  She is my beautiful daughter that I get to teach and love and have fun with!  She made me beautiful cards and I felt like the most perfect mom even though I am far from it. 
And then I got to hold my sweet little boy in church while he smiled and babbled at me.  When I came to sit down to write this, he frowned at me because he wanted held.  I get to be a mom to a perfect child.  I think that is the sweetest gift any mom could have.  It might be the hardest but it is the sweetest.  I am so grateful that I get to take care of my little Hyrum!  I have had four wonderful years with him even though they have been the most difficult.  I went months with him in my tummy thinking that would be my only time with him until I got to raise him in the millennium. =)  But he came and he is still here and he is mine.  I wouldn't change him for a "normal" boy.  He gives me hope, love, and the motivation to go forward. 
I wouldn't be the person I am to day without my two wonderful children who have given me the strength to move on and grow and want to be more and better each day.  I want to be a good mom for them.  I probably mess up more than I don't and I know I have horrible days when I want to give up.  But then I remember that I am their mom and I want to be the person I am meant to be. 
My little Hyrum is done being fed through his tube, so it is time to go outside and be a mom and play with my two children!  Happy Mother's Day!