In January Hyrum had RSV and was in the PICU at Primary's and after he came home was on oxygen for a few weeks. He seemed so similar to then and I think my fear of him having RSV and losing him was controlling me. I think the Dr. could tell. We have been through this a lot and he always asks if I am doing ok. Before we left the doctor, he asked if he could give him a blessing. Hyrum was blessed that he would continue his journey on this earth. When we left, his doctor looked me in the eye and said, "he is going to be ok." I didn't believe him. I called my mom before I went to the hospital and cried and cried because I was afraid I was losing my little boy. But by the time I got to the hospital I was calm and not so afraid anymore. The ER doctors checked Hyrum and said his upper respiratory was bad so they would do an x-ray but he didn't think it was pneumonia. I get kind of weird when I take Hyrum to the ER and don't remember everything they say and so when people ask what he has, most of the time I have to really think about it. But I thought it was weird that there was no pneumonia because the PA has always been right about pneumonia before. They treated him for croup and then had us stay over night to watch him because he had enterovirus. By that night though, his lungs were clear. He would still cough enough to throw up and they didn't like that, but his lungs were clear. We came home Saturday night and it wasn't until I was getting ready for bed that I listened to the spirit. My little boy was healed; the respiratory virus that they found out that he had was still there, but the pneumonia was gone and we were home instead of spending the week in the hospital. Hyrum is still struggling with his cough and has thrown up more than normal, but he is ok and still here!
I know Heavenly Father answers prayers. I know the Priesthood is real and blessings can heal. I learn so much from my little boy and from those around him. His doctor had faith and my little boy was ok. It is so humbling to know that Hyrum has a doctor that loves him enough to share his priesthood with and who has enough faith in Heavenly Father to be an instrument in his hands to help heal my son. Because of that, I still get to keep him. I still get to hold him on my lap. I still get to see his precious smile every day. I still get to share him with everyone. And for some reason he needed to be there at the hospital. Maybe for a nurse to see his precious smile. Or maybe for me to learn again that through my little boy Heavenly Father shows us His love.
I learned so much in those two days. It is pretty crazy that when you are full of fear, it really is
hard to have faith. I didn't want to say goodbye yet and that fear controlled me. I know one day it will come, but this experience has helped me be a little bit more full of faith instead of fear. I couldn't hear the spirit confirming his blessing was true because I was so full of fear. Not until after we got home from the hospital and I started to ponder on those last two days, did my fear leave enough for the faith to be there to listen. I am so grateful that I know that I have a Savior who loves my little boy and who loves me enough to help me listen.
I hope it is ok that I shared this. I didn't get very many pictures while we were there but here is one of him while at Primary's. I just have to share that every time we go we ask for that little monkey thing on his crib. It lights up and the monkey moves back and forth. He loves it! And even when I just ask for a crib toy and not be specific, this is always the one that he gets. It is really special to us!
